r18novel Page 40
Page 40
The two ate and strolled around.
Mai Sakurajima started talking more.
She would point to a corner and say she had fallen there before. She would point to a stream and say she had dropped her important hair clip in it.
The fragmented memories were not forgotten, but buried deep in her heart.
As evening fell, the two found the house where Mai Sakurajima used to live, based on her vague memories.
It's a very ordinary detached house with a small yard.
The house seemed to have been uninhabited for a long time; the weeds in the yard were very tall, and the windows were covered with a thick layer of dust.
"This is it," Mai Sakurajima said softly as she stood in front of the door.
She took a slightly worn key out of her bag and opened the door.
A smell of dust and old wood wafted through the air. The room was dimly lit, and most of the furniture was covered with white dust-proof cloths.
Mai Sakurajima stood in the entryway, her steps hesitant.
Everything here feels both familiar and strange.
She could recognize the layout of the living room and the location of the stairs, but she felt like a stranger who had suddenly barged in.
"Let's go in." Itsuka Yuto took her hand.
He drew back the curtains in the living room, and the afterglow of the setting sun shone through the glass, casting streaks of light, while countless tiny dust particles swirled up and down.
"Is your room upstairs?" he asked.
Mai Sakurajima nodded, looking at the stairs leading to the second floor.
The two of them walked up the creaking wooden stairs in silence.
There are two bedrooms on the second floor, one of which has its door ajar.
Yuto Itsuka gently pushed open the door. It should be Kazuko Sakurajima's room. The furnishings were simple and tidy, just like her.
The other door was tightly closed.
Mai Sakurajima stopped in front of the door, her breathing becoming somewhat rapid.
Yuto Itsuka could feel her grip on his hand tightening uncontrollably, so he turned around and wrapped her small hand in his own palm.
She took a deep breath, raised her hand, and turned the somewhat rusty doorknob.
"Squeak-"
It was a typical girl's room. Several yellowed cartoon posters were pasted on the walls, a pink pen holder sat on the desk, and the quilt with a cat pattern on the bed was neatly folded. Everything was covered with a thick layer of dust.
Mai Sakurajima's gaze slowly swept over every corner of the room, finally settling on the corner of the desk.
There was a locked pink tin box with bears and hearts drawn on it, which looked like a free gift from some children's cookies.
There's a key next to it.
She released Itsuka Yuto's hand, walked to the desk as if in a daze, and stretched out her trembling fingers to gently brush away the dust on the box.
"This is... my diary."
Mai Sakurajima picked up the key and slowly opened the tin box.
There was no diary inside, only a few folded sheets of paper, yellowed and clearly written a long time ago.
She picked up the top sheet of paper and slowly unfolded it.
Those were words written in pencil, the handwriting childish and crooked.
Today's reflection:
I shouldn't cry, Mom said. Crying won't solve anything, and it will only bother everyone.
Yuki won't come back just because I cry.
To be a good child, you can't have your own emotions.
-
Acting class notes:
When you're happy: turn your lips up 15 degrees and squint your eyes.
When you're sad: furrow your brow and purse your lips.
(Don't cry)
When angry: ... (The teacher didn't mention this; ask your mom next time.)
……
As Yuto Itsuka looked at these diaries, he could imagine the scene: a little girl sitting in an empty room, facing the mirror, practicing expressions that didn't belong to her, over and over again.
"Mai..." he called softly.
Mai Sakurajima did not respond; her body began to sway slightly uncontrollably, and her face turned pale.
Fragmented images flashed wildly through her mind.
Backstage at a variety show recording: noisy voices and glaring lights.
She was holding the white kitten named "Yuki," her only companion.
However, in the chaos, Yuki disappeared.
She searched frantically, crying as she went.
Then, her mother pulled her into the empty dressing room.
There was no scolding, no comforting; Sakurajima Kazuko simply squatted down and looked at her with an expression she had never seen before, a mixture of disappointment and exhaustion.
"Mai, look, you cried, and then what? Did the cat come back?"
It is by Ji.
She shook her head.
"Is the director angry?"
She nodded.
"Are the staff all watching us? Do they think we're a nuisance?"
She nodded.
"Mai, remember, your tears are the most worthless thing in the world. They will only become an obstacle to your career and a trouble for others. From today onwards, you must learn to control them, keep them to yourself, and never let anyone see them again."
After that day, she was required to write "self-reflection" every day.
Later, she started taking acting classes, learning how to express emotions like normal people.
She did a great job; she's a genius actress.
She fooled everyone, including herself.
She gradually forgot how to cry, forgot what heartache felt like, and forgot the little girl who would cry and laugh as she waited alone on the park swing for her mother to come home.
She personally locked the girl inside this dusty iron box.
“So… that’s how it is.” Mai Sakurajima sighed, with a sense of disbelief. “So, it was I who… lost it.”
The paper in her hand fluttered to the ground.
Her shoulders twitched violently, as if she was trying to suppress something.
On that usually expressionless face, the muscles twitched uncontrollably, and the features were contorted in pain, trying to form an expression she had long forgotten.
A tear slid down her cheek without warning, landing on the dusty floor and leaving a small, dark stain.
"pat, pat..."
The breakdown and despair that had been suppressed for ten years made her gasp for breath, like a drowning person finally surfacing.
She let out a sob from her throat, which quickly turned into an uncontrollable wail. (VI) Yishan stopped walking.
She crouched down, covered her face with her hands, and her thin shoulders trembled.
Yuto Itsuka's heart was gripped tightly by the crying, and the pain was numbing.
He didn't say anything stupid like "Don't cry." He walked over, squatted down with her, and then reached out to hug the girl who had rediscovered her feelings tightly.
Sakurajima Mai gripped his shirt tightly with both hands, buried her face in his shoulder, and cried even more unrestrainedly.
He patted her back rhythmically, comforting her, "It's okay...it's okay now, Mai."
"It's all in the past, just cry it out, let all your grievances out."
"I am here, I have always been here."
The last rays of the setting sun shone through the window, elongating the shadows of the two embracing.
……
Volume 1: Chapter 52: I will protect Mai's smile (First update)
By the time Mai Sakurajima finally calmed down, it was completely dark.
She leaned against Itsuki Yuuto's chest, like a little cat soaked in the rain, utterly weak, her hand still clutching his clothes.
"Yuto." Her voice was thick with nasal congestion and terribly hoarse. "Am I really that useless?"
Yuto Itsuka answered casually, "Yeah, you look awful when you cry. Your face is covered in snot and tears, and your makeup is ruined."
"I'm not wearing makeup," she retorted sullenly.
"That's ugly too."
She didn't say anything more, but buried her face even deeper into his chest.
After a while, she whispered again, "Thank you."
"no need thank me?"
"Thank you... for finding me."
It's not about finding this place, but about finding the real Mai Sakurajima that she herself has lost.
Yuto Itsuka smiled and ruffled her hair: "You're welcome, it's my duty as your boyfriend. But as compensation for making you cry, you're buying dinner tonight."
"...I didn't bring my wallet."
"I knew you'd say that. Sigh, it seems my dream of being kept by a rich older sister is still a long way off~" Itsuka Yuto sighed and pulled her up from the ground.
"Let's go, I'll take you to get something good to celebrate that you've finally learned how to cry."
As the two stepped out of the old house, the salty night wind stung Mai Sakurajima's swollen eyes.
She glanced back at the house where she had kept her memories, then turned and left.
……
The nights in Kamakura are devoid of the hustle and bustle of the city, leaving only the sound of waves crashing against the shore and the clanging of passing trams.
Yuto Itsuka didn't take Mai Sakurajima out for a fancy meal in the end, but instead stopped at a family restaurant that looked like it had been around for a long time.
The shop owners were a kind elderly couple who greeted them warmly when they came in.
We ordered two simple set meals and sat facing each other.
Mai Sakurajima had probably cried for too long and was exhausted. She just kept her head down and sipped her hot tea.
Her eyes were still red and swollen, and there were still tear stains on her long eyelashes, making her look pitiful.
Yuto Itsuka didn't say anything, he just stared at her quietly.
He knew that what she needed right now was not comfort, but time.
Let her process it herself and accept the self she has rediscovered.
"Yuto." After a long silence, she finally spoke, "I... I need to tell you something, is that alright?"
"of course."
And so, in this cozy little restaurant, amidst the aroma of food and the news broadcasts from an old television, Mai Sakurajima began a long, ten-year-delayed narrative.
She spoke slowly, sometimes even incoherently, but Yuto Itsuki didn't interrupt and listened quietly.